Juggling Life

Random: It's all I have time for . . .

My in-laws are in town for the high school graduations of Social Butterfly and a cousin--the different school districts mean a three-week visit; the longer visit meant they flew because adding six days of driving (North Dakota to California) would just be too long. This photo is of my father-in-law and his three sons. Family resemblance much? I would defy you to tell them apart over the phone.

I had a major triumph at work today--something I'd been working on for ten weeks and had almost (but-never-say-die) given up on came through. I have been trying to cultivate more hospital opportunities for my externs and I just added a plum site.

The news about support for students with eating disorders at Northern Arizona just keeps getting better. I've talked to two therapists and a dietician and SB and I have appointments to meet people when we go for her orientation at the end of the month. The student health center is pretty thrilled to be working with us so early in the process--apparently most students don't work so far in advance to have a plan in place.

 

The Eating Disorder Chronicles: Whose Story is This?

I was updating a friend on Social Butterfly's progress the other day--she is a neighbor and can see that SB is looking much better--and we were talking about some of the things I've learned. I shared that I am talking to SB about the possibility, once we've gone a little further in this journey, of SB and I writing a memoir of battling anorexia together.

Her somewhat curt response was, "It's not your story. It's her story."

I have to disagree with her.

Fighting her own anorexia is SB's story. Battling anorexia alongside my daughter is my story. I can't fathom how one could think that our "stories" are not intertwined.

Our viewpoints differ and certainly, in the final analysis, SB determines the arc of the story and how the narrative ends, but whatever she does becomes my story as well.

I understand, to an extent, the thought process that led my friend to say "this isn't your story"; who hasn't met someone that manages to twist everything so they are the star player in any ensemble? That is not me, though and the story I want to tell is not a tale of victim-hood.

I have never really felt before that I had a book in me. I have been lucky enough to have several readers suggest I write a parenting book, but I'm pretty sure that are not that many ways to say "use common sense" that would add substance to the ouevre.

I do think that SB and I could add something valuable to the body of work on eating disorders. I think we can add fresh voices and perspective of our navigation of a disorder with treatment and research that is rapidly-evolving. I think we could help others that are looking for something to relate to when they are raw and frightened and searching for answers.

Will we write a book? I hope so. We will need to be in a place where we are reflecting and we are nowhere near that now, so time will have to tell. Also? I will need to convince my daughter she is not the only writer in the family. Thankfully, I have this to use as evidence.

What do you think? Whose story is this?

 

 

 

 

Prom: The REALLY Cool Part

The first story about prom that Social Butterfly was eager to share with me was about the crowning of the prom king and queen. They are not a boyfriend/girlfriend or football player/cheerleader duo, but rather two drama kids. After they were crowned they did the traditional dance; then their respective boyfriends cut in and that's when the crowd got all verklempt over the romance of it all.

Because I know my way around a Twitter feed, I captured these two tweets to share.*

 

 

I suppose it is possible high school isn't all bad, right?

 

*Even though these were open Twitter feeds, not protected ones, I'm erring on the side of respect and not using the names.

Documenting Milestones: Prom

I am generally quite picky about the when and where of milestone photos--which is why I usually make the arrangements. The group Social Butterfly was going in had picked out a park in a neighboring community at which to meet for pictures. I knew the park because it was in the business park where the kids pediatric dentist was located and it was always fun to feed the ducks after a visit. It was not, however, a place I would have picked for prom pics and I certainly wouldn't have picked 5 p.m.

But nobody asked me.

So off we all went at the appointed hour.

              I got to the venue first, so I did the paparazzi thing.


The bad part was all the stuff I was worried about--too busy background with buildings, fences, etc. and harsh lighting casting unflattering shadows.

The good part was that it turned out to be THE location for photo-taking and therefore a chance to see  many kids that I've known over the years; some I see frequently and some I haven't seen in years. Plus, the parents. It was very cool.

 
I don't know what you looked like at senior prom, but I can prove to you I didn't look half as amazing as any of these young ladies. Also? I did not inherit whatever photography skillz I have from my mother (though in her defense I believe she was only equipped with a 110 camera).

While I was scoping out all the gorgeous girls and guys, I was also looking for a suitable place to take some photos that I would be satisfied with--the complication being that there were a bunch of other photo snobs trying to do the same thing.

Luckily I was able to stake out a corner and the sun, as it is wont to do, started to go down. These are my faves.

The girls got each other corsages, so we had to get a shot featuring the corsages.

SB's fun, flirty, dress was the second one she tried on when we went shopping and inexpensive enough that there was money left to buy an after-prom dress and a second pair of shoes.

 
Even for the girls that had official "dates," pictures with friends were the great part of everyone being at the same place for photos.

Goofy photos were as much in demand as gorgeous ones.

Of course it does help when you can be goofy and gorgeous at the same time!

These three did their own hair and makeup, so I had to be sure to get the hair too--if you've ever heard of or wondered about "sock buns"--rest assured, they work!

After the girls had dinner--a fun affair with dinner served in style in someone's dream backyard--they popped back to our house for a couple of last-minute photos with the 'rents.

The picture of the day has to go to this one--if you're friends with me on Facebook, you've already seen it, but I think it's work another look. The caption on this one is courtesy of a blogging friend who knows how to turn a phrase exquisitely--and also how to adapt one perfectly.

Gas from Salt Lake City to San Diego: $300. Meals along the way: $25. New audiobook for passing the time: $17. Making it home in time to take a prom picture with your daughter: Priceless.*

 

* The story behind the story is that Mr. Fix-it was not due home until next Friday, but after SB lamented not being able to have a prom pic with her Dad, he and I hatched a plan to surprise her. Boy, was she surprised!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Self, I hardly know ye . . .

I got gas this morning at 7:10 a.m. at a Costco almost 30 miles from my home. It has become preferable to leave early to fill-up rather than go after work.

Whoulda thunk it?

I have almost an entire lifetime of being a night owl behind me. I say almost, because, let's be honest, after 45 I became more of a "middle-of-the-day" gal.

But a morning person?

I never thought I'd see the day.

And yet . . .

the signs are there . . . .

The waking up naturally BEFORE the alarm goes off at 5:45 a.m.

The thinking that getting out of bed at 7:30 on a Saturday morning qualifies as sleeping in.

The acceptance of a 10 p.m. (or sometimes earlier) bedtime.

That said, if I blog about exercising before work, you will know not to worry about it being warm in hell!

 

The Eating Disorder* Chronicles: Prom Dress Sneak Peek

Last Friday night Social Butterfly and I did a photo shoot in her prom dress to use on her graduation/grad party announcements. I talked her into recreating a treasured shot from her toddlerhood. This wasn't the money shot, but if it was up to me it would have been.

It's taken in the exact same place and we didn't buy the pink Chuck Taylors especially for the shot; I think she's almost always had a pair.

Tuesday night was full of SB and two friends trying out updos and makeup in preparation for this Saturday night. While they did that I worked on addressing invitations to SB's graduation party.

Even two weeks ago I would not have predicted this. When recovery takes hold it moves forward in leaps and bounds.

 

*I debated whether or not to include this in The Eating Disorder Chronicles, but I realized that I want to ensure that anyone happening upon these posts later gets to the read the story of the recovery as well as the treatment.

 

The Eating Disorder Chronicles: Happy Mother's Day

This post is dedicated to the mothers (past and present) of the patients at the UCSD Eating Disorder Treatment Program--K, A, Y, R, T, S, V, H and the rest of the crew. You know who you are.

 

This Mother's Day I want to celebrate some of the most amazing mothers I have ever met in my life. Just as our children never knew how strong they were until they had to do battle with the Beast--their eating disorder--I would venture to say most of us moms didn't know our own strength until our children's lives were on the line.

We are strong.

We are committed.

We will triumph.

While it is only our children that can vanquish the monster, we are the ones that send them into battle with all the weapons we can muster. The battle against ED is waged with weight gain--hard fought for pounds that only come on when we, their mothers (which is not to discount what the dads do, but this is Mother's Day), make sure the food goes and stays down. Our part of this fight is waged with heavy cream and patience and vigilance in equal measure.

And love, oh-so-much love.

It's not a club I would have set out to join, but since I wasn't give a choice I am grateful for my compatriots.

Happy Mother's Day, ladies.

 

 

 

Eating Disorder Chronicles: Stand Up

Every time I think I'm too weary to fight, something happens that brings the fight in me right to the surface. This week there were two things that have my dander up.

The first is that Social Butterfly's English teacher refuses to communicate with us via email about her schoolwork. Yes, "refused" is the word I used. He doesn't "do" email. My going to the mat on this particular issue ended up with me having a phone conversation with the principal.*

That's when I got really mad.

During the course of that conversation "reservations" were expressed about having a student "who is not actually attending school participate in the traditional senior activities like prom, senior lunch and graduation." Also, "what's fair to other students must be considered."

I took one VERY DEEP breath before responding.

Thank goodness I can think on my feet--this is pretty much verbatim what I said:

My daughter is a student on an independent contract for medical reasons. She is a student in good academic standing in this district and at this school and has never been a discipline problem. I can't fathom what grounds you would have to exclude her from these activities, nor can I imagine how her presence would have a negative affect on any other students. Further, social withdrawal is a component of anorexia and her desire to participate in these activities is a sign of her recovery. Were you to deny her the chance to attend prom, that might threaten her recovery and I would consider that to be a very serious matter. In addition, I would ask you to consider whether or not you would be suggesting excluding my daughter from these events if she had leukemia and was missing school to receive chemotherapy.

Guess who's going to prom?

Also?

The principal has changed her tune considerably after our conversation; I admire someone who allows their views to evolve once they are educated.

 

* We ended up finally getting the work by stopping by the school. Summaries and questions on 14 chapters of Brave New World. There is absolutely no reason she wasn't given these assignments on a daily/weekly basis via email. I have just gotten mad enough to escalate this fight.

 

 

 

Yin and Yang

When I go to pick someone up at the airport I park in the conveniently located San Park cell phone lot. I have a view of a lot of other cars and a chain link fence.

When my husband I go together to pick someone up from the airport (in this case Danger Boy) he parks on the almost-as conveniently located Harbor Island. It's a bit more scenic.

I like to do the same things in the same, very efficient, way, so it's nice to have someone remind me there's another way to do things.

 

Forged in Steel

My daughter is seventeen year's old and she has an anthem (at least I think it should be her anthem):

 

I am in awe of my daughter's strength. I thought she was a cool kid before the eating disorder, but her life had been been pretty easy until then. I think it would be fair to say that she had a textbook childhood of the affluent, suburban American variety. A wonderful childhood doesn't always equate to a strong character though, and you don't really know until someone is tested.

She has been tested. Not just by her eating disorder, but by betrayal from very close friends. She turned to her family, her eating disorder support group and to the use of the incredible skills therapy has given her. She used all the tools at her disposal and it turns out her toolbox runneth over.

And now?

We're going prom dress shopping Friday night.

Prom is in about 10 days and she wasn't planning on going after the events of last week. But it turns out she has other friends and they want her to go to prom with them--and she has the strength to do that even though the safer, easier, no-chance-of-awkwardness choice would be to stay home.

So my daughter and I are going prom dress shopping. And she? Is going to look gorgeous and hold her head high--'cause she's my girl.